I can't think of a more controversial situation in amateur sports than a parent coaching his own child. Even if both parent and child behave totally above board, people will still talk.

Some school districts have policies against parent-child coaching relationships. Right or wrong, the intent is to protect the masses, so it’s hard to argue with them.  But the situation is unavoidable in youth leagues. Almost all community teams are staffed by volunteers, and those volunteers generally come from the pool of parents whose kids sign up to play.

I believe it’s possible for a parent to coach his own child fairly and honorably. I’ve been around many fine volunteer coaches who’ve done it. And based on the feedback I’ve gotten from parents, I believe I’ve done it successfully, myself, too.

They key is to establish credibility – among the players, parents and other coaches – as someone who can teach and motivate kids, and who wants to help all of the kids, not just his own. Here are some tips for doing that.

Fix your relationship at home, first. I’ve seen too many bad parenting relationships play themselves out during sports practices. Two common scenarios: 1)The parent tries to overcompensate for his lack of attentiveness at home, by heaping praise on his kid just for tying his shoes correctly at practice; 2)The parent becomes an overbearing bully during practice, in an effort to assert authority that he can’t seem to assert at home. Here’s the deal: If your kid ignores or disrespects you at home, you’re not going to fix the problem by coaching him. It’s like a woman assuming her deadbeat drunk of a boyfriend will suddenly become a great dad if they get married and have kids. Bad plan for all involved. So, do yourself, your kid, and his potential teammates a favor: Take stock of your parenting skills and your relationship with your child before you try to coach him. If they need improvement, fix them at home.

Make sure you actually know how to teach the sport you’re "coaching." Don’t assume you know how to coach a sport just because you played it. Coaching and playing are entirely different skills. There’s virtually no connection between the two. Do a little research before jumping into the coaching arena. Search the internet for articles on how to teach certain skills. Browse bookstores and the library, for more in-depth reading material. Watch other coaches in action – see what kinds of drills they do, what coaching points they emphasize, how they motivate kids. You may have been a star running back in high school, but if you don’t know how to impart your skills and motivation to a young kid just starting out, then you’re not a coach. You’re just a former star running back trying to find a new source of glory.

Coach every kid, not just yours. Even as a volunteer coach, you have an obligation to help other kids improve their skills and confidence. That means making a determined effort to spread your attention around. Volunteer to run drills that your kid isn’t involved in. Show up for practice even when your kid is sick or injured. Whatever it takes, avoid using sports practice as just another outlet for your parenting chores. You aren’t your kid’s coach. You’re the team’s coach. Your kid just happens to be on the team.

Balance criticisms with compliments – but keep them both to a sensible level. Almost all parents are more critical of their own kids than they are of others. Whether you’re one of these or not, please understand this: Confidence is as big a factor in a young player’s improvement as practice and hard work are. So each time you pick apart a kid’s technique or effort or results, be ready to come back at him with a compliment the minute he does something right. This isn’t a touchyfeely-self-esteem lecture. It’s reality. When a kid hears nothing but criticism from his coach, he eventually stops believing he can improve. And if his coach is also his dad, it’s even worse.

Talk regularly after practice. As soon after practice as possible, give your child a chance to voice his opinion about how things went – whether he thought you were too hard on him, too lenient, too attentive. Ask open-ended questions like, "What could I have done better today, as your coach?" or, "Tell me the one thing you wish I wouldn’t have said to you today." Those kinds of questions make it almost impossible for a kid to give you a yes or no answer. If you’re coaching in a youth program, it’s likely most or all of the coaches have kids on the team. Meet with the other coaches regularly, so you can confront the possibility of nepotism head on – at the start of the season, and on a regular basis during it.

One last suggestion …

Develop thick skin. You’ll be the object of gossip even if your kid is a true talent and is the consummate team player. Some people just can’t get past their own petty jealousy. That’s their problem. Be understanding with them … sympathetic, even. But don’t let their hang-ups prevent you from following your passion. If you enjoy coaching, and your own kid happens to be on the team, and you’re doing your best to avoid even a hint of favoritism … go for it. And don’t look back.