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Dos & Don’ts for school administrators ©2006 oldschoolsportsparenting.com School officials make two common mistakes when dealing with sports parents: They’re reactive instead of proactive; and they let parental complaints become arguments instead of using them to gather information and share ideas. It all stems from the common misperception that parents are too involved in their kids’ sports activities. For the record, I believe parents have a right and an obligation to be involved in their kids’ extracurricular interests -- just as they should be involved in their kids' academic affairs. But we all know there’s a fine line between "involved" parents and "intrusive" or "angry" parents. Administrators need to position themselves squarely on that line and claim it as their own sovereign territory. A good way to start is by acknowledging that virtually all parental involvement -- even the angry, intrusive kind -- can be channeled into a positive force if it’s managed properly. Call me naïve, but I believe trained, educated professionals should be able to handle that challenge. Besides, the alternative is continuing to think that parents will someday, magically, quit being emotional about their kids’ sports activities. (And you think I’m naïve?) Here are some common sense ways for principals and A.D.s to turn confrontational parents into allies. Stay connected with your customers. Seek out players and parents before they seek you out. Approach them at games and ask them how the season’s going, what they think of the team’s chances … you get the idea. And don’t always gravitate to the folks that you know are content. If you’re paying attention, you know who the unhappy campers are. Seek them out, too. Often you can prevent temper tantrums by being in touch instead of being aloof. It also gives you a chance to explain your actions and opinions on your own terms instead of at an angry confrontation. If you haven’t already done so, formulate criteria for evaluating coaches. And don’t be afraid to share your criteria with parents. I’m not suggesting you publicize the results of your coaching evaluations. But letting people know up front what you look for in a coach can at least give you -- and your coaches -- a basis for responding to parent complaints. Observe practices and games first-hand. It’s the only way to see what kind of atmosphere your coaches create, how engaged they and their assistants are, and what kind of skills and values they stress. If you can observe without being seen, so much the better. Principals evaluate teachers in action. A.D.s should do the same thing with coaches on a regular basis. Remember: Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Investigate coach problems as soon as you hear about them. Most complaints have a basis in truth, but many stem from tiny misunderstandings that can be corrected before they get out of hand. (Think mountain, molehill.) Don't be quick to bring opposing parties together, either. Hear out each of them separately, more than once, if necessary. Keep gathering information and digesting it. Often, the conflict will extinguish itself without you ever having to form an opinion -- let alone express one. Be a sounding board but not a judge. Investigate complaints objectively, but make no promises and never undermine a coach’s decision. We’ve all heard of instances where a coach cut someone from a team and was ordered to reinstate the kid after the "devastated" parents gave the school principal or athletic director an earful. Administrators who do that stuff are no better than the overindulgent parents they complain about. Defuse anger with non-confrontational questions. If you end up face to face with an angry parent, the best way to respond is by asking calm, open-ended questions. It not only shows you care, but it helps you manage the tone and direction of the conversation. Examples: "How can I help?" … "Assuming I could do exactly what you want, what would make this a better experience for your daughter?" … "Why do you think Coach Smith made that decision?" … "How can we use your ideas to help the whole team?" I suggest you make a long list of such questions to use when meeting with parents. Each answer should prompt another question. Taken as a whole, the give and take will lead to a mutual understanding that didn’t exist when the discussion began. Home Feedback |