Every coach eventually has to tell a hardworking kid with physical shortcomings that his potential for playing time is limited.

When you’re faced with this, please have the conversation as quickly as possible. First, it’s the fair and honorable thing to do for the player. And second, it’s the best way to head off a confrontation with an angry parent sometime down the road.

Unfortunately, many coaches barge their way into such conversations, spewing a mouthful of ultimatums and cliches that do nothing but confuse and frustrate the player even more. It doesn’t have to be that way. You can give your player a healthy, honest dose of reality -- while at the same time challenging him and keeping him motivated.

How? By guiding him through a series of questions that let him draw his own conclusions about his situation and define his own strategy for dealing with it or changing it.

Step One is to ask the player if he’d like to meet with you to discuss his spot on the depth chart and his potential for playing time.

It’s best to approach the player before he approaches you, because it shows you’re paying attention and you care. But even if the player approaches you, first, there are two key ground rules you need to establish right up front, and those are that the discussion will be two-way, and that you and he will be the only people in the room. Make it clear that you'll expect the player to represent himself, rather than bringing a parent or some other spokesperson. And stress that he has to be an equal participant in the conversation.

Youngsters know when they’re considered "backups" and "benchwarmers," so your meeting proposal shouldn’t come as a surprise. One thing I can’t predict, though, is whether the player will agree to the meeting or just tell you he doesn’t need to discuss anything.

If he tells you he doesn’t need or want to meet, try to find out why. Emphasize that your goal is to help him, not to discourage him or cut him. Offer him some compliments -- on his work ethic, a certain talent he has … whatever. You want it to be a non-threatening conversation.

If he still doesn’t want to meet, tell him he can always change his mind later. Then wait a few days and ask him again. My guess is he’ll agree to the meeting this time -- if he hasn’t already approached you, in the interim. (His parents may well be the reason for his change of heart.)

Just remember those ground rules: He comes alone, and he actively participates.

The meeting place should be private and neutral -- a vacant classroom or even the trainer’s room, but preferably not your office or a public locker room.

Pick a time when neither of you will be rushed. Ideally, you’d meet at the end of practice and you’d arrange to drive the player home if he couldn’t drive himself.

Your goal for the meeting is to come to an agreement on three things:

1. The player faces challenges if he wants to move up the depth chart.
2. It’s his responsibility to overcome these challenges, not yours. Your role is to prepare the team to compete, and that includes making sure the best players play.
3. If he quits competing in practice, he can’t expect to ever compete in a game.

You won’t necessarily spell these out to the player. But you should keep them in mind as you talk things out with him.

Once you get past some small talk, ask him if he’ll answer a few questions to get things started.

I’ve listed some examples, below. But before you go to them, here’s one last bit of advice: Remember that the person asking questions always controls the conversation. The minute you start giving opinions and playing point-counterpoint with the youngster, bad things will happen. Either you’ll discourage the player, or the conversation will get heated. Or both.

OK, here are some open-ended questions that you can ask the player, to help you accomplish your goals for the meeting.

1. How would you describe your current spot on the depth chart?
2. How do you feel about your current spot on the depth chart?
3. Compare yourself to the player(s) ahead of you. What advantages do you have over them? What disadvantages do you have?
4. How do you think you can move ahead of them on the depth chart?
5. What do you think are your realistic chances of beating one of those players out -- and how long do you think it will take you?
6. What would make you give up and quit trying to beat them out?
7. What do you think you have a right to expect from me and the coaching staff, right now?
8. What do you think we have a right to expect from you?